#topic: journaling

[tayfabe75]

"I don't really listen to The 1975 when I'm chilling at home. Of course it's different when I'm performing on stage… But you know, Oscar Wilde said something like, 'The best reason to keep a diary is to have something amazing to read on the train.' I mean, it's not about being self-interested, but it's just reflecting on your life. My journal is these albums over the past 10 years. It's beautiful. Nostalgia is beautiful."

October 19, 2022: Matty compares his discography to journals. (source)

[kim-tey]

[thefluxsystem]

10 mindsets about my DID that have helped my system:

[This is solely for the sake of sharing experiences & supplying food for thought. This post is not implying these takes are the “right way” to view systemhood.]

1. We’re individuals and we’re parts of a whole. We see each other as people in our system, but in a different way than those in their own bodies. We share a brain. We share a life. I’m me, but I’m also him/her/them at the same time. If you take a piece out of a puzzle, it doesn’t cease to exist, right? It’s still its own object. It just doesn’t make much sense when it stands alone. We need each other to be truly complete.

2. Time keeps coming. I know it’s not an unlimited resource, but it’s not scarce either. Okay, so somebody in the system didn’t get to do what they planned today. They’ll do it tomorrow. No big deal. No need to fight about it or stress over “how I’ll ever manage all this”. We’ll simply give it another shot in the morning.

3. Reality is subjective. We’re a very philosophically-inclined system, and I could write books on what “reality is subjective” means. Basically, reality is based on perception. On a societal level, it is based in the common agreement of what something is. If anyone’s perception tests the limits of this common agreement, it is labeled as untrue. This ties into why DID is largely disbelieved; it doesn’t fit in with the common reality (perception) of the average person. So it is seen as fake. And, well, if I’m going to be told I’m wrong for the most basic, inherent part of this disorder… I don’t really care if they disagree with any other aspect of it. My reality is different. That’s okay.

4. There is no original. I strongly believe the Theory of Structural Dissociation. Maybe science will prove it wrong with a more suitable theory to take its place in the future, but it’s what I roll with at the moment. Now, to us, this translates as “there is no original/we were all the original”. We’re Adventure Time fans, so we think of it like the “Mother Gum”. If all of the Mother Gum broke off into people (like PB & Neddy), no specific one of them would be “the original”. Rather, they’d all be repurposed parts of the original whole. (In a less serious way, we like to say “we all came from the primordial personality soup”.)

5. Our body is shared equally. We’ve decided our body has its own identity & “look” that helps represent us as a whole, but doesn’t take after one member specifically. In a gnawingly self-aware way, I know this is a further form of dissociation. But adopting this view changed a lot for us in a positive way. We don’t fight about hair or clothes anymore, we don’t have discomfort around our legal name, we don’t even really have struggles with gender/sexuality anymore. (We identify differently internally, but externally we identify as nonbinary & bisexual. Even if the person fronting at the moment is, for example, a gay man.)

6. Be open-minded to what happens internally. Seems straightforward enough, but we’ve wasted a lot of time trying to “make rules” for each other in the system. The biggest example I can think of is in-system dating. Around 10 years ago, as we became more aware of each other, it became clear that two system members were basically in love. We immediately became defensive. We told them that they couldn’t do that, that two system members being together was absurd & “impossible”. (This view became stronger after discovering online system spaces & “fakeclaimers” that come with it.) Though we regret it now, we shamed those two a lot in the hopes they’d drop it. They didn’t. About 3 years later it became an actual problem. They didn’t trust us; they were fronting & we were coming back to absolutely no memory of it (we usually have a vague idea at least). Eventually, they wrote us a whole thing about how they were going to be together & there was really nothing anyone could do about it, seeing as we couldn’t technically keep them apart. In modern day, we’ve had an in-system couple recently fuse. Upon reflection, we were standing in the way of genuine healing by trying to break up the first two, and we did so solely out of shame. As long as it isn’t genuinely causing harm, we try to be accepting of each other these days. This applies to a lot of other aspects; how system members appear internally, the pronouns and/or identity labels they choose, anything to do with how system members engage with each other, our differing individual perceptions of an event, etc.

7. We don’t have to like each other, but we do have to love each other. Mostly because, if we don’t, we’re holding hatred for ourself. There are certainly members of my system I would never choose to befriend if we were actually separate people, but we’re not, and we don’t get to act like we are. So even though it’s hard, I’m learning to love every piece that makes up “me”, no matter how difficult they try to make it at times.

8. Nobody’s system works like mine except for mine. Meaning, no two systems are going to be alike, and experiences aren’t often going to translate perfectly. This is true for people who aren’t systems as well— everyone’s experience is going to be different, because nobody is wired exactly the same way. Once I took that to heart, it became easier to focus on my own way of being. I could take the pieces of represented/online systemhood that resonate with me & leave the rest (which probably resonates with someone else).

9. There’s a reason for everything. This kind of ties back into the ‘we have to love each other’ thing. Each component of the system is a clue regarding how to move forward. We had someone in the system getting really uptight & controlling, to a point that it was irritating, but, taking a step back, we recognized it was a response to feeling a lack of control. Instead of simply getting angry at him for how he was acting, we were able to address the problem. My collective self is more laid-back for it.

10. It’s okay not to focus on it all. DID is a part of my life for the rest of it, whether I like it or not, but it’s nice to let it be a background thing every once in a while. Who’s fronting? Who cares. What roles do we have? I don’t know. Who’s this new person in my head? I’ll figure it out later. We’re making it through as a team, and sometimes that’s enough.

[huginsmemory]

I find it so funny how Ford writes about the woodpecker marriage thing in Journal 3. Like. Why would you stumble across this in your search for the towns history specifically? Were you looking up Gravity Falls marriage laws? Perhaps interspecies marriage laws?

[cloverwood]

The first two pages of my alterhuman journal. Not sure if I'll post every page as some may end up too personal. But I'll share as much as I can. Tho I also plan on digitizing and turning this into a zine of it if once it has enough material. As I do love sharing and reading different alterhuman experiences!

I saw many journals opened with an explanation of what alterhumanity is about and wanted to do the same. Tho very aware it's hard to summary such a broad spectrum of experiences. So I hope I did it justice ^-^

page transcriptions under cut:

page one: "To Be Other"

"To be otherkin, therian, alterhuman, non-human, were or beyond is the experience of feeling partially or fully distinct from the humans experience. Be it mentally, physically or spiritually.

To be bodily human (or appear bodily human) while estranged from it still. To be elf, fairy, dragon, wolf, horse, darkness or the universe itself and beyond. To be other is to be of endless possibilities, of the fantastic and benign. [hand drawn symbols of a crescent moon, the planetary earth symbol and a reversed crescent moon]

page two: "I Am" I am fairy. Fairy green and of the forest. Fairy of olde and fairy of new. Fairy of all shapes ever changing.

[Hand drawn silhouettes of a dragon, a winged pixie and a wolf]

I am Rabbit. Of the home and of the meadow. Of the swift-footed and the wise. Rabbit of the wilde ruthless spirit.

[hand drawn silhouette of a rabbit head, a rabbit over a crescent moon and another rabbit head]

[hand drawn alchemical symbols of air, earth and air again]

[dipperpines-kin]

Journal 3 Bag at Hot Topic!

:O

[fictionadventurer]

Everything I learn about Rose Wilder Lane makes me more and more aware that she was a hilariously outrageous person who needs a movie made about her immediately.

After leaving Missouri, she moves to California and marries a real-estate guy who once tried to get her to help him con the railroad.

She gets hired at a San Francisco newspaper known for its yellow journalism, where she does things like writing a series of columns featuring the "real-life stories of a police detective" who, in real life, was a high-end jewel thief.

Her first book is a first-person "autobiography" of Charlie Chaplin that she (after a few interviews with Chaplin) completely made up, and that Charlie Chaplin immediately threatened to sue her publisher for.

Her second book is a biography of Jack London, which his wife only reluctantly allowed her to write because Rose presented herself as "someone who had never written for the newspapers before and needs a chance to break into the magazines." This book was also almost entirely fictional, and her publisher also almost got sued over it.

Third biography is the first-ever biography of Herbert Hoover, also a heavily-fictionalized account. (Doesn't seem to have been sued for this one. Steps in the right direction!)

Traveled as a reporter through Europe (to places like Albania and Poland) post-WWI. (If we want to talk about legal things that she did).

Wrote a book based on Laura's late-childhood pioneer experiences while Laura was writing the early books of the Little House series, and did not tell Laura about it. (Laura was ticked off).

Kept trying to insert a story into Laura's memoirs (and Little House on the Prairie) casting Pa as a member of a posse that hunted down the infamous (and never-caught) serial-killing Bender family (despite the fact that this was historically impossible). (It got to the point that Laura herself told this story to the public as an example of "a true story I couldn't out in my children's book." Despite the fact, I say again, that this was historically impossible).

During WWII, endured a minor incident (it involved one cop coming to her house) where the FBI investigated her as a potential communist based on a postcard she sent that was critical of the government. Turned this into a short story that presented herself as the righteously-outraged American citizen fighting against an oppressive government, and used this to whip up a nationwide media campaign against J. Edgar Hoover for spying on American citizens.

Flew to Vietnam as a war reporter when she was in her seventies.

[where-is-the-quantum-moon]

what if its in/maybe above gravity falls?

The Quantum Moon is being observed by the town of Gravity Falls!

[artingsumstuff]

I'm going to mention it because I didn't see anyone else talking about it after Lux came out. I'm pretty sure this is because it got overshadowed by the silly animated guy or the meta section of the episode but the only thing I have been able to think about since watching Doctor Who's Lux is the Rock Hudson AIDs reference at the beginning. For a little context, Rock Hudson is a notable figure when it comes to the AIDs epidemic. He was one of the most famous actors at the time and when he tragically passed away from the illness, it opened the eyes of the masses that AIDs was not just "The gay, 'exotic', drug user" virus but something that was an active threat to your 'every day person'. It couldn't be ignored anymore. Obviously there is more nuance to it than I can put into a short Tumblr post so I recommend going and doing research of your own. I personally think that getting a reference to the AIDs crisis into Doctor Who, the family friendly, popular and now Disney produced tv show is monumental even if it was just a small exchange. Including gay characters in a piece of media is one thing but to actually remind people of, you know, that time where gay people (as well as POCs) were antagonised, blamed and treated like threats is a whole other. It's a quiet way of saying fuck you, we won't let people forget the lives lost. Anyways I think that was really cool of Russel T Davis and should have been talked about a lot more.

[starlightseraph]

john steed and emma peel, smashing misogyny since 1965

[motoradar]

… !

[tayfabe75]

"I really like typewriters, as well. I don't have one with me 'cause that is really impractical. The thing is with typewriters and writing with pen to paper, there's a kind of an element of like, commitment, that goes with the ceremony of it, therefore it requires you to concentrate a bit better. So, I think it's important to have a book. It's mainly like, stories that I write about my dreams of being in love with other popstars."

December 3, 2018: Matty explains why a notebook is one of his essential items. (source)

[bmpmp3]

sorry to be a bit of a hater but i do wish youtubers weren't so scared of making their videos just like, "reviews", whys everything gotta be a "video essay" all the time. every day my recommendations are filled with 40 minute videos titled "_____: An Underrated Masterpiece" where the first like five minutes are reading the wikipedia definition of "masterpiece" in a somber voice with dramatic themed text on screen. please just tell me how good or bad you think something is and use the rest of the runtime to explain why. you dont need to put on all these airs

[thefluxsystem]

Most people in my day-to-day life have no idea that I have DID. The ones that do know, I told them.

Nobody has ever come to the conclusion on their own (aside from professionals) that I have DID, because frankly most people know nothing about it outside of the name.

My peers see me as a high-functioning hermit. I do what needs to be done (career-wise, socially, etc) then disappear to recharge. I’m labeled as a little odd, eccentric, quirky— all kind ways of saying “we can tell there’s something wrong with you, we just don’t know what”.

I’ve lost friends because of my DID, except they didn’t know that’s what it was. In their eyes I was unreliable, forgetful (interpreted as uncaring by them), I changed my mind too often, I never knew what I wanted. All symptoms of DID and yet never taken as such.

My point is, I feel like the ideas of overt versus covert DID are misconstrued in online system spaces. It’s not necessarily overt means people know you have DID and covert means they don’t. A lot of it is overt means the DID symptoms are noticeable (from the outside looking in), covert means they’re not so noticeable.

[hungergameshyperfixation]

Oh you think you were a fan of Maysilee Donner, Haymitch Abernathy, Haymitch’s family + girlfriend, Katniss’s parents, Plutarch Heavensbee, the Undersees, the second Quarter Quell, etc, BEFORE Sunrise on the Reaping was announced?

How many of you wrote FANFICTION about them???

No seriously I’m not doubting you I just want some fanfic recs-

[idontmindifuforgetme]

promising myself a renaissance era soon